There are several different jobs out there that are hard on family life. Spouses of police officers, firefighters and military personnel know that their loved one may not come home at the end of the shift/tour. Spouses of long haul truck drivers, just like husbands and wives of touring musicians, know that life on the road is a part of the job that means sleeping in separate beds in separate states much of the time.
Having been with my husband for 17 years, I know that marriage is hard enough on its own -- and that is without much overnight travel concerned. I am always interested in hearing the stories of others and how they make their marriages work. To that end, Bobby Bishop shared the shared the story of him and his wife Jess. To tell you the truth, I was so blown away by this long look into the heart of someone else's marriage that it wasn't much in the way of conversation. Bobby spoke and I listened with a sense of awe because, let's be honest here, most people aren't really that honest about their relationships. They are either the "everything is perfect" type or the "everything is rotten and it's all his/her fault" type. Instead of trying to insert my own comments here, I am just going to print Bobby, raw and uncensored.
"I didn’t grow up around many Latinos, but my best friend in the sixth grade, Manuel, was from Puerto Rico and he schooled me on the culture and inspired me to learn Spanish, a language I continued to pursue and in which I am now relatively fluent," Bobby said. "Manuel claimed to have expertise on the fairer sex and felt obligated to educate his friends on these pressing matters as well. He insisted that romance was in his Latin blood, and that we had better take notes. I never actually witnessed Manuel encountering a real-life female, but we hung on the playground tales of his days as a ladies man back in Puerto Rico. We were eleven…"
Meeting Your Soulmate
Bobby continued, "The day I met my wife, I realized that God had put Manuel in my life nine years previous to prepare me to kick game to this gorgeous Latina. I presumed many things about her from afar. She had just arrived at our college, and it took me two months of phone calls and “coincidental” run-ins before she agreed to go out with me. My brother needed the car that night (God bless him, I was a car-hog) and I scrambled to find alternative transportation. By the time I got the keys to an ’81 Ford pickup, the only open establishment was Denny’s. Over chicken fingers and second-hand-smoke, our relationship began. I got my first kiss that night outside her dorm. Game. Good looking out, Manuel. Play on, player.Patient as she is, to this day it baffles me how Jess tolerated my ignorance. Imagine me assuming that she would be well versed on urban trends and that my Spanish-speaking abilities would win her over. Turned out she spent most of her life in the suburbs in a conservative private Christian school. Jessica would not succumb to Latina stereotypes. She was content in being exactly who she was, unlike her boyfriend."
Bits and Pieces That Combine to Make One
He went on, "I’ve been fairly open about my lifelong quest for identity. I used to adopt bits and pieces from different cultures in a fruitless attempt to carve my own niche, undoubtedly resulting in false interpretations and wannabe tendencies. How easy it was to mimic the popular attributes from another group with no understanding of what it feels like to be a minority vulnerable to discrimination. Jess helped me to see that about myself. She saw through my mask and undoubtedly prayed I’d one day take it off.In our pre-marriage counseling, the topic of my presumptive ways again surfaced, as she made it known that this marriage needed to be built on a foundation of acceptance. No attempts to force each other be different people, and moreover, no using your wife as a token of your acceptability on your block. In layman’s terms, she said, 'I am not your ghetto pass.'”
With Marriage Comes Growth
"Nine years into our marriage, I’m trying to outgrow most of those insecurities," Bobby said. "Jess has followed my lead, through great decisions and poor ones. I was in youth ministry before she and I even met, so she knew that was part of the package. We bought a home in the city, and she was the patient wife of the youth pastor. Mind you, I’m a softie, and disciplining is not my strong suit. Jess, however, is the straightest shooter I’ve ever known. She’s brought balance to my tendency to avoid confrontation because she does not hesitate to “let ‘em know.” I recall one of my youth was struggling with his decision to leave the local gang-life that dictated his steps and smothered him. The inevitability of prison was a heavy weight, and he knew he had to leave his crew behind if he planned on having a future. I prepared to take him out to eat to strategize alternative plans for his life. As I was walking out the door, Jess shot straight: “Tell him to cut it out because gangs are dumb.”The other women in my life, (my sisters, mom, and aunt), have always commented on God’s providence regarding my marriage. It’s as if my weaknesses are balanced by Jessica’s strengths, and my strengths balance her weaknesses. It’s uncanny, really. It’s like I have a built-in parachute-of-a-wife because I can walk through life unconcerned due to her strong intuition and wisdom. I don’t know anyone quite like her in that regard."
