Being a parent ... the ups, the downs and the in-betweens never leave time for a dull moment. Being a recording artist doesn't mean that you don't have those same normal "kid" times where you go from proud to scared to totally wrapped to questioning whether you have what it takes to do it right.
Today, for Part 4 of the 'Everyday Man' interview series, Bobby Bishop and I talked about parenting and how he got prepared for the role of "daddy."
"Long before I became a father, I had a pretty good idea of what to do and what not to do," explained Bobby. "I got a a strong foundation from my dad’s consistency in my life and from my mother, who has continued to nurture and support me even when she disagrees with my decision-making. In my times of triumph, she rejoices. In my failures, she refuses to allow me to stay down. She prematurely lost her life partner to cancer, and it shook her up, as it would any caring person. She had a season of brokenness, and God provided her a new man of God. Her new husband sympathized with her hardship, as he was a widower, and has proven to be a caring partner and grandfather. I regret the immaturity of not liking him at first; he had nothing to prove to me, a grown man. Mom is an essential part of my life, and she’ll always be one of my confidants. She and my father kept me safe and taught me what it is to pursue God. They laid the groundwork and left the rest to me."
He continued, "As for the long list of things not to do, my position as a social worker physically places me in dysfunctional homes on a daily basis. If not for my faith in Christ, I’m confident my exterior would be hard and my heart resistant to sympathy. If not for my knowledge and belief in His healing power, I would admittedly work just enough to earn my paycheck and return home each evening to my functional family. The burden can be overwhelming, and I struggle to guard my own heart as a mechanism of self-preservation. Some behaviors are simply intolerable and despicable. To witness firsthand revolting details of physical abuse, horrific neglect, apathetic mothers, absent fathers, and sexual exploits of children is enough to snuff out any of my previous enthusiasm in humanity. At our core, our nature is sin, and without God’s extension of grace to humankind we are capable of the unthinkable. I rest knowing each evening I will return home. At that time my daughter will ditch the cartoons and greet me with wide open arms."
Life as a New Dad
"The night we brought our newborn home from the hospital, I recall placing her on the bed in between my wife and myself. She was (and still is) exquisite, and I knew I was in a heap of trouble," Bobby said. "Nearly four years later, she still has me wrapped around her finger. I’ll never forget the gratitude I felt for the new privilege to be a parent that night, along with the weight of responsibility heavy on my shoulders. I recall thinking 'I have to keep you alive. That’s my job. Step 1: keep you alive.' That was followed by the real relief of Step 2: 'I get to teach you about your Savior, Jesus, and one day you will make a decision to follow Him or not. If I don’t exemplify Him to you, I will have failed as a parent because you won’t have the equipment you need to make that decision for yourself.' Step 2 will be easy. It's step 1 that is the big one."
Dad or Superman?
We would all like to believe that, as parents, we can protect our kids from the bad things of the world. Sometimes we are successful but other times, the edge is a lot too close for comfort.Bobby agreed, "We’ve awoken to gunshots in our neighborhood on more than one occasion. Reading these interviews, you’ve probably pieced together how we have embraced the concept of availability to the youth in our neighborhood. In order to make a difference, we have decided to be community fixtures. Shootings are not a daily occurrence, but one is one too many. Mind you, I grew up in the woods. Despite my wife’s early years in the Canarsie section of Brooklyn, most of her childhood was spent in suburban New Jersey. One night, as three distinct, dreaded “pops” woke me, I naively rushed the crime scene on my sidewalk and subsequently stepped in a young man’s blood. As I assembled what had transpired, I admittedly began to second-guess myself. My initial emotions were of anger, resentment, and overall betrayal due to proximity of the shooting to my daughter’s bedroom window. These feelings were then overshadowed by an unexpected emotion: guilt. What were my priorities? Were they my identity as a well informed, savvy, “pied piper” of the streets, or the safety and well being of my wife and daughter? Was I going to martyr my own family? Where was the balance in all of this as their leader? They trusted me, and this occurrence was beyond my control."
