Marriage
The divorce rate continues to rise with every year. In the US, 50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second and 74% of third marriages end in divorce, according to Jennifer Baker of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology in Springfield, Missouri (source).Matthew West and I talked about marriage and how going through the motions of being married can lead to broken hearts and broken homes.
Kim - There is so much more to marriage than sharing a last name and an address. Marriage is more than having "date night" once or twice a month. It is more than saying "I love you" out of habit rather than because your heart is bursting with it. Marriage is hard work and it has to be tended to like a garden or weeds will choke it out. Let's talk about going through the motions of being married.
Matthew West - "I’m guilty of going through the motions in my marriage way too often. Comfort is dangerous with your spouse. I remember, a couple years into our marriage, I stepped on a scale and weighed myself. I was heavier than I ever had been. What happened? I mean, what happened to the guy that was counting down the days to his wedding, and wearing out the treadmill at the YMCA? He got comfortable. I got married. I got the girl. She loves me for me. I don’t have to impress. The weight gain was just one example of all the ways our comfort makes us lazy. Lazy is never a good thing. Lazy in love can be the death sentence for a marriage."
Matthew continued, "My wife and I recently watched the movie Fireproof, and while I confess it’s always hard to watch Kirk Cameron without thinking of Growing Pains, the movie was a powerful example of what can happen to a marriage when one or both spouses get lazy and go through the motions. But it was also a great reminder of how beautiful love can look when a husband and wife really dig in and commit to rise above the “Lazy” approach to love."
In closing, Matthew said, "The book, The Five Love Languages (Compare Prices) has been a big learning experience for me. It really helped me understand how to communicate love to my wife in the ways that she can feel the most. It really has a lot to do with choosing not to be selfish. Sometimes, even when we attempt to communicate love to our spouse, we stop short of accomplishing the goal, because we simply speak love in a language that we understand, but that may not be the same language our spouse prefers. For example, early in our marriage, I thought I was God’s gift to my wife because I could just write her a beautiful love song and surely she would get weak in the knees and know that she is loved. When I really began to dig in and find out what says “I Love You,” the most to her, that’s when I found out how to really say it. It turns out that I’m really attractive when I vacuum without being asked to!"
The Challenge
Your challenge today is to look at your relationship with your spouse. Do you love him/her more today than on the day you said "I Do?" Are you in the relationship because you can't imagine your life without him/her in it or are you there because you feel like you are stuck with no other good options? Is saying "I love you" just part of the routine or a way to express what your heart truly feels?If you see that you are being lazy in love, what are you willing to do to change it?
Matthew West 'Going Through The Motions' Interview Series
- Going Through the Motions of Faith
- Going Through The Motions of Everyday Life
- Going Through The Motions With Family
- Going Through The Motions as Parents
- Going Through The Motions at Work
